Catholic:Under The Hood

Catholic:Under The Hood

Catholic:Under The Hood

This is probably the most exaustive list of Catholic podcasts I've seen, as well as being a good podcast in its own right.

Why can't I freaking sleep?

Let's see...logged off of Second Life (click this entry's title for the link; tell 'em Ayumi Sapeur sent ya' ;-) ) around 4am (I think) and now it's 7am and I haven't slept a wink. Tossed and turned and tried every sleeping position I could, and nothing. Just took a hot bath. Didn't help. I don't understand why this room is so hot all the time, even when I have the A/C running full blast (granted, we're talking a window-unit here,) and my own fan blowing right on me, and the heat is totally off. According to the thermometer on the thinger, it's still over 80F in here. Bah!!! Give me sleep or an absentee ballot! (Oh wait...Illinois isn't voting on anything this year...aw darn. Next election the state does have my sister Michelle will be old enough to vote. She and I will cancel each other out on everything except possibly some local referendums, if any.

Really need to practice BAD for the band concert Sunday, but because I couldn't sleep I've been chewing my bottom lip, and it is now quite raw and partially swollen on one side (though I think that's from possibly accidently biting it in my sleep Sunday night or something, because it was like that when I woke up yesterday.) I want to play the concert Sunday, especially because I really like and really miss band since I can't take it this semester, but I haven't touched the French Horn to practice it since Commencement in May, and I have today through Saturday (and only early in the day on Saturday, because hard practicing the day before a concert is suicide,) to learn all this stuff. *Sigh* Brought it on myself, though. My own darn fault. Wondering, though, if I realize I'm going to lay a major egg on Sunday, would it be better for me to fake sick or something or to just show up and fake-play or whatever? Are they both equally wrong and stupid? I dunno...

And where is God to me right now? I feel like I keep forgetting about Him until I do my night prayers before bed, and even then I'm still distracted. I feel too drained (from what?!) half of the time to do any real-life Christian fellowship, and even on Second Life, the chances for such is rather limited (and forget about anything distinctly Catholic =-\ ) so I wind up in the "least hazardous" of secular places. (I don't mean that as a slam on anyone-I've met alot of very nice people there, Christian and not.) Got a nasty IM in-game tonight from a girl with the same last name and a close first name to my character's, and basically accused me of trying to force my opinion on others. (Mind you, this was in a ranting IM from someone I'd never met before and I recieved it while I was AFK for a bit in the bathroom...) Riiiight...somehow having my own opinion automatically means I'm going to try and force it on others. (Seeing as how it's always the far-left [I mean mostly the loony-bin far-left, to where even Michelle disowns them,] always does the exact same thing and then accuses anyone not of their exact viewpoints of being intolerant.)

I lost my train of thought...my eyes hurt from typing this without my glasses on. I'm getting a new pair when I go home for break. I'm so tired so often and it doesn't make any sense. I think my body's alright, but the "oomph" of life is missing. I want to get to Confession, but the sleeping thing and my own miscillanious {sp?} moronicness is keeping that from happening. I wish I had a car so I could drive down the street (big, busy street) to St. Isadore's--Fr. Don hears Confessions before and after every Mass. Fr. Jim, at St. Thomas', is a great confessor by all means, but he only hears them before the 5PM Mass on Saturdays.

*Sigh...*

I want my mommy. That thought runs through my head alot these days, but I don't know why. I love my mother to pieces, of course, and am greatful for all she has done and continues to do for us in the family, but when she gets into a "mood"...oh Christmas things get heated in the house. Last time it happend, (over fall break,) it was decided it was my fault she was in said mood, and Eileen actually kicked me for it. She's lucky I'm not anywhere near as violent as I pretend to be, and that I have alot better control of my temper than I did when I was her age. Otherwise, she'd have been black-and-blue after the first kick. I couldn't even muster up the physical or emotional streignth to hit her back. She's my little sister and I love her too much, as cheesy as that sounds. Dad might be home from MN for good soon. I might have already said that. I don't remember. I'm not looking forward to returning to a house where he's there full-time. It's always so much more noisy and tense when he's home, because he feels it's his job to yell at everyone about everything that's not done as he thinks it should be. I'm still embarassed for that poor Geek Squad guy at Best Buy that Dad reamed out over the summer. Dad walks off and I get stuck holding the bag and having to apologize up and down to this guy for Dad being an idiot (though not in those words.) And then Dad goes off and says I embarass him in public because I use the napkin in a restraunt as a napkin rather than laying it on my lap to fall on the floor and me to forget about until I spill or whatever. He's the most arrogant hypocrite I know. And of course, I get his temper. And darn near all his genes. (Granted people on his side of the family live forever, it seems--we're all just falling apart by the time we do die. =-P) Mom's side's smoked/drank themselves to death for so long I don't know if I can really gauge a life-expectancy for her gene pool. She and Aunt Gina are the only two non-smokers in her family, but Aunt Gina is one of those people who Lysols her house (and as Mom found out when they went to Las Vegas together, the hotel DOORKNOB,) to the point where she has no immunity to anything. If she and Uncle Ron had ever had kids, I can see those kids having been in and out of school all the time with every single bug under the sun and Aunt Gina having a fit about it. Mom got over caring too much by the time I was in first grade. I think she figured that I'd already brought home chicken pox (from day care,) and she had caught them while pregnant with Michelle (I want to say it was either late in the 2nd trimester or early in the third,) and she and Michelle had made it, so she didn't really feel threatened by anything else I could bring home. As it happened, I almost never got sick after getting sick alot in first grade. I remember in 2nd and 6th grades I had perfect attendance for the entire year.

OK, I think I've bored myself enough with my own ramblings to try sleeping again.

And for anyone who reads this who knows my friend KT, I'm psyched to announce that she and her husband are expecting. ^_^ Whether you know them or me or not, please keep them in your prayers. ^_^

Bis Spater! / Ja ne!