Onerock Online Forums -> American Catholics Seek Reform On Issues

Onerock Online Forums -> American Catholics Seek Reform On Issues

This is a website!!!

This is a website!!!

Blech blech blech blech blech!!!!

I. Feel. Like. Crud.

Upset stomach, but that seems to have calmed down, and my mood is just in the toilet because I'm so scared I won't be able to come back to Aquinas. I will seriously have a nervous breakdown if I have to resume living at home full-time. ;_; Lonely as all get out because I just don't feel like anyone gets what it feels like to be me. I wouldn't chose it if I had the option. <_< I just want the school year to be over, but I do NOT want to go home to Illinois. I just wish I could live up here on campus and just keep swiping into Wege (I probably still have enough meals left to do it, too! =-P ) This time when I go home, Dad may well not be around often, if at all, to keep Mom at bay. She refuses to get her depression treated, or to even talk about it or admit to having it. She's convinced we all are the problem and if we would just cooperate and be productive and do this, that, whatever, then everything would be perfect, and any sane person could tell her that isn't true. I still feel like I'm being regarded as an adult only when it means that one of my parents doesn't have to do something anymore. Grrr...

I just want to curl up into fetal positon on my bed (pretend for a moment that would be physically possible for me without excruciating {sp?} pain...) and sob my little eyes out, but that wouldn't help any. I'm 20 years old---crying isn't going to convince my parents to let me stay here. Crying's not natural for me either. (Then again, neither is dreaming, and I'm doing that alot lately because the freaking pills are causing me to have more REM cycles than I've ever had before while sleeping. I'm not sleeping as deep as I did, so I feel rotten in the mornings.)

Stupid printer's still broke. An RTA fiddled with it for almost an hour. Got the cartages moving again, but now the computer thinks it's done printing a document when it hasn't at all. Grrr...

Softball game tomarrow. Not really up to it, but since I'm already missing Sunday for a Band rehersal, I feel I should be at this one. Not like I'm going to hit anything. <_<

Well, my focus is shot, so that's the end of this entry.

Guten Nacht!

Vatican Cam!

Vatican Cam!!!

Weird Dreams...

I've been having some crazy dreams lately. Usually, I'm "dreaming episodes" of St. Tail or Prétear, like not episodes that actually aired, but just random stuff. Weirdness-dreaming in anime. I've been having strange dreams in general since I started the Zoloft. I've combed the medication's offical site over and again and I can't find whether this is supposed to happen. It's not a serious problem, but more than a slight nusance {sp?}. Maybe it's stress? No nightmares yet, but definatly dreams that I didn't like. Oye....

Listening to Japan-A-Radio as usual. Maybe I'll play some Anarchy Online before bed, but I have to call it a night early because I have my advising at 10:30AM tomarow. I'm bored. I finnished my CD200 homework at 1AM because I had nothing better to do.

I was suppoed to meet with Mr. Dooley from the CIS department today, but he had to cancel, so I'm meeting with him tomarrow after CD200. Tomarrow morning, I have to meet with Dr. Marko for my Theology advising. Fun, fun, fun. Hopefully, after this week I'll have a sturdy enough game plan in place to convince Mom to let me stay. Dad's convinced, but Dad is also usually persuaded by logic. Mom.... =-

Bis Spater!

Where words fail...

Music can pick up the slack. I'm listening to EWTN Radio right now, and they are playing the piece in my Current Music. We did this song my first semester here in College Chorus. At the time, I didn't really apprciate how beautiful the piece really is. Now, however, it fits perfectly. I'm going to snag the library's copy tomarrow and slap it onto my hard drive. (iTunes may have it, but I don't have enough in checking right now for that kind of thing.)

Just a lot of weird thoughts today, the biggest being "What's next?" I've been asking that question about almost everything these last few weeks. Kicked from the SoE, what's next? Mom doesn't want me to come back to Aquinas if I'm not going to be a teacher, what's next? What do I do with being half-done with college? Now the Pope's gone, what next? What next for the Church? I almost feel bad for the next Holy Father, because he has big shoes to fill. I really hope it's true what I hear, that the cardnals who are electing this next Pope are even more conservative than those who elected the late JPII. I fear some on the fringe of the Church may see John Paul's death as a good thing, because they feel that impediments to whatever, women/married priests, whatever, will be removed with a new Pope. I hope our new Pope is as wonderfully orthodox as JPII, and will stand firm against any and all that may try to attack the Church, seeing this time of transition as a moment of weakness.

I think this post, from a OneRocker, captures things well: http://hombre.diary-x.com/journal.cgi?entry=20050402

OK, my brain hurts and I need to make another round anyway (I'm at work.)

Bis Spater!

RIP, JPII

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua, luceat eis.

Cut and paste from my last LJ entry

mood:

Club Night rocked. biogeek500 and I played DDR for half an hour, and I got two firsts and a second! (Yeah, yeah, frankencow, you could still kick my butt. =-P)

I am offically happy with the Wege workers, because at dinner today they put on CNN and put a sign on the TV to not change the channel. ^_^ Watching the news show on EWTN right now. I'll go to bed when it's over. I have work tomarrow, though I don't have a super-amount of homework to do. Methinks I'll bring some manga to read.

Keep praying for the Holy Father. The Vatican seems to believe the Holy Father can go any moment now. Dad sent me an e-mail about it, just some thoughts, and I replied.

That reminds me. I think there's a bug in the voicemail system, because my parents were mad at me for not calling them back, and I didn't get what they were talking about, and just this afternoon, messages they left last night arrived in my box, so I don't know what's wrong there. Just what I need.

Also, Asuka Jr. has a small hole in his tail-fin, and I fear it may be the beginning of fin rot. Fin rot was the beginning of the end for the first Asuka, because he got 2 fungi right after he got that. Sadness. ;_;

OK, show's over, I'm off to sleep.

Guten Nacht!

Pretty much what I'm feeling.

ENGLISH:

no more words Lyrics: Ayumi Hamasaki Composer: CREA + DAI Arranger: Naoto Suzuki Surely, surely as we live we know more. And, and as we live we forget. Things that begin always have an end. If you can live on, think always of that. If this world were split into winners and losers, I'd rather be a loser. I always want to be a loser. Surely, surely we are more beautiful when we're sad. That's why, that's why we are dirtier when we're sad. To protect us and ours, we must sacrifice something yet again. Those who can live on think always of that. If this world were split into winners and losers, I'd rather be a loser. I always want to be a loser. What can I tell you? I'm just a small, helpless person. That's all I'll say for now because sometimes words ar completely powerless.

ROMAJI:

no more words sakushi: hamasaki ayumi sakkyoku: CREA + DAI henkyoku: suzuki naoto kitto kitto bokutachi wa ikiru hodo ni shitte yuku soshite soshite bokutachi wa ikiru hodo ni wasurete'ku hajimari ga aru mono ni wa itsu no hi ka owari mo aru koto iki to shi ikeru mono nara sono subete ni moshi mo kono sekai ga shousha to haisha to no futatsu kiri ni wakareru nara aa boku wa haisha de ii itsu datte haisha de itai n da kitto kitto bokutachi wa kanashii hodo ni utsukushiku yue ni yue ni boku tachi wa kanashii hodo ni yogorete'ku mamoru beki mono no tame ni kyou mo mata nani ka o gisei ni iki to shi ikeru mono tachi sono subete ga moshi mo kono sekai ga shousha to haisha to no futatsu kiri ni wakareru nara aa boku wa haisha de ii itsu datte haisha de itai n da boku wa kimi ni nani o tsutaerareru darou konna chippoke de chiisana boku de shika nai ima wa kore ijou hanasu no wa yametoku yo kotoba wa sou amari ni mo toki ni muryoku da kara

terrisfight: The Schindlers learned of Michael's ENGA

terrisfight: The Schindlers learned of Michael's ENGA

This ticks me off royally. My home state is screwed up. >_<

Res et Rationes

Calling All Feminists - or Those Who Pretend to Be

Well, that went as badly as I feared

Droped the School of Ed. bomb on my parents today. Went as badly as I feared it would. Dad, as usual, saw an uncontrollable situation and of course wanted me to grasp at any hint of a straw, so he can, through influencing me, regain control of the situation. Both refuse to pay for any more college until and unless I can show excatly when and how the investment will pay off. Grad school is absolutly not an option, and they believe there's nothing out there except teaching for a BA in History and Theology. Even my plan to squeeze in a CIS program didn't change their opinion any, since Dad doesn't think those jobs pay enough. So yeah...barring a miracle, (ie, I can magically pay my own tuition, room, and board,) this could very well be my last semester at Aquinas College. I'm going to register for classes anyway, but if you don't see me back, don't be surprised. It's a lot of money, and my parents refuse to pay it for anything else. This is not looking good. I told my parents that I had e-mailed Dr. Marko to see if I could do anything with a BA in Theology, and Dad made like I was a big fool. Just can't win, I swear...

So yeah, that's my Holy Saturday Horror Story.

Bis Spater!

virtual betta

virtual betta

Bored...time for a Blog update!

I'm bored. In Slim's room right now, putzing around. I have to do my history journal for tomarrow, which means I'll actually have to put my lappy in my room, so I can print it. Eh, I'm low on ink anyway, so methinks I'll e-mail it to Dr. Gunnoe. If I play my cards right, I could graduate with both of my BAs next May. If my parents will still let me stay 5 years, I might crank out a BS in Computer Information Systems. If I can't get a job then, I'll be rather confused and surprised. Here's hoping...

Ironic: Slim is updating her LJ as I type. I'll probably post this entry into LJ when I get back to Knape.

Hrrmmm...now that I think about it, I'll have to move my lappy out of the lounge anyway because of Bible Study tonight. Paul's leading it. He said something about Christology, so of course nothing good can come of this. =-P

Kicking some major hiney in Anarchy Online---level 5 already! ^_^ I am such a dork. Played Star Wars Battlefronts for the first time in over a week. I'm rather rusty. =-\ Oh well. I'll get back in the swing eventually.

My (tenative) Fall 2005 schedule:
(Drum roll, please =-P )
Japanese 101
East Asia I
Rennaisance {sp?} and Reformation
World War II
Christian View of the Human Person
Eucharist: Past, Present, and Future

No band or choir, though, because of East Asia I and Japanese, respectivly. Sadness. =-(

BRB. Nature Call.

OK, made an appoitment with the clinic. BIG surprise. Will explain later, if the time is ever right. Cross your fingers and lots of prayers, PLEASE! =-0

DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!!!

Well, I got the boot from ANOTHER placement, and I didn't even get a freaking chance to defend/explain myself to the St. Stephen's people. GRRR!!! Turns out the more real reason Mrs. Reynolds came in to see me today was to tell me that I'm through. She's now with Dr. Marko in harping me about grad school, but what neither of them seem to understand is that this is FINANCIALLY NOT AN OPTION!!!! I've looked at both orthodox and unorthodox Catholic grad schools, and NONE of the orthodox ones have ANY financial aid, or if there is any, it's so limited as to be useless. Gah...never mind all the student loans even just my undergraduate degree is going to cause me. >_< I'm so ticked right now I could just scream!!!! Or maybe cry. I don't know. This TOTALLY screws up ALL my plans, and now there is NOTHING for me to do after college. C'mon, who in their right mind wants to hire some absent-minded IDIOT with just her BAs in History and Theology. Besides teaching, there's NOTHING for these degrees without grad school, which isn't an option, so I have NOTHING I can do after college, and 6 months after I graduate, massive student loans will start comming due and I will have NOTHING to pay them with!

THIS IS BAD!!!!

BAH! Later!

This is why I have a fish...=-P

silver_porpoise: This FROG! Poor Nicole. I am greatly amused, though. =-P This is why I have a fish. The extra kick is that, technically, we can only have pets at school that can survive underwater for 24 hours, (ie, in a tank and not going to hop into the hall ^_~) and for their first stages of life, frogs fit that.

In totally unrelated news, I went to my EN201 placement this morning, at St. Stephen's. My field supervisor wasn't there, so of course I had a good day. The students were working silently alot, but I did have a really good conversation with the English teacher. Of the junior high teachers, she's been there the longest, so she asked me a lot of good questions that they really don't make us think about in the seminar portion of EN201. She wants me to do the Science Olympiad this Saturday, but that's the day of KT's bridal shower, and I see so little of KT these days that I don't want to miss it.

OK, I'm distracted. This blog will have to wait until later.

DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!!!

Well, I got the boot from ANOTHER placement, and I didn't even get a freaking chance to defend/explain myself to the St. Stephen's people. GRRR!!! Turns out the more real reason Mrs. Reynolds came in to see me today was to tell me that I'm through. She's now with Dr. Marko in harping me about grad school, but what neither of them seem to understand is that this is FINANCIALLY NOT AN OPTION!!!! I've looked at both orthodox and unorthodox Catholic grad schools, and NONE of the orthodox ones have ANY financial aid, or if there is any, it's so limited as to be useless. Gah...never mind all the student loans even just my undergraduate degree is going to cause me. >_< I'm so ticked right now I could just scream!!!! Or maybe cry. I don't know. This TOTALLY screws up ALL my plans, and now there is NOTHING for me to do after college. C'mon, who in their right mind wants to hire some absent-minded IDIOT with just her BAs in History and Theology. Besides teaching, there's NOTHING for these degrees without grad school, which isn't an option, so I have NOTHING I can do after college, and 6 months after I graduate, massive student loans will start comming due and I will have NOTHING to pay them with!

THIS IS BAD!!!!

BAH! Later!

Blah

Replaced first fish, which only lived a few days. Nicole rocks! ^_^ She's been a massive help with the pet thing.

Running a blog for the AQ GOP now: http://aqgop.blogspot.com It's still in the alpha stage (not even to beta yet) so it'll improve as I go.

Listening to one of the most beautiful songs ever, "Fake Wings," from .hack//SIGN. I LOVE it:

Shine, bright morning light
Now in the air the spring is comming
Sweet blowing wind
Singing down the hills and valleys
Keep your eyes on me
Now we're on the edge of hell
Dear my love
Sweet morning light
Wait for me, you've gone much farther
Too far

Guten Nacht!

FISHIE!!!

I gots a fishie!!! It's a male betta, and I've named him Auska {sp?} after the main male character in my favorite anime, Kaitou Saint Tail. I ran an image search and found a pic of his kind of betta:


Soooo awesome! I'll be bringing him back to Knape Sunday, when I come back with Martha. Yay! ^_^

Bis Spater!